Whilst all the reporters waited eagerly for the result of the coaches meeting with referee's controller Stuart Cummings, we managed to sneak our man in at the back door. Here is what he heard and saw!

The meeting opened with Stuart pointing out to Brian Noble, he had never been a member of the Nazi party, nor had any of his referee's. He said any repeat of his comments would result in an immediate incarceration in colditz! Brian tried to reply, but was immediately removed by men in long black leather coats.

Tony Rea asked for clarification on the tripping rule, as he could not understand why Martin Aspinwall was not banned. Stuarts replied that there was a very simple answer to this, he played for Wigan and Maurice said they had too many injuries to allow him to be banned!

Jon Sharp enquired as to the wisdom of removing Ian Smith from the cup tie with Saints. Stuart pointed out that he had no objection to any fund raising for clubs and his referee's assisting in this. He did however feel it unwise for him to ref the game, as his obvious bias against Saints would have been tempered and he could not allow this. He also pointed out that evidence could be found of this in the Saints Wigan game! Jon agreed and hung his head.

Ian Millward raised the issue of this unfair bias being apparent in only a few refs and asked Stuart for more consistency in this area! Stuart agreed this was an area of concern and said he would look into it!

Dennis Betts asked for clarification of the offside rule and in particular, the markers being square. Stuart assured Dennis that markers must be square and stand direct behind the play the ball, he also confirmed that the defensive line must retreat ten metres. Dennis asked for an exemption for Wigan on this area, and, Stuart confirmed this was already in place.

Ian Millward asked for clarification of the advantage rule. Stuart confirmed that this would apply to all teams except St Helens! Ian then asked about the 40-20 rule and when was a Leeds player going to have to play inside the 40. Stuart replied that this only applied against St Helens and had asked Stevo to support this in all SKY transmissions.

Tony Smith then asked for a clearer guideline on holding down and crawling forward at the play the ball. Stuart confirmed that he would continue to allow this for Bradford and Leeds!

Ian Millward then asked why his team were subjected to rules no others had to play by. Stuart pointed out that as Ian thought the rules did not apply to him in the first place, what difference did it make!

Paul Cullen asked if the game could be reduced to 75 minutes as his team cannot play for a full 80 minutes. Stuart declined this request, as the game could not be forced to listen to stevo's bullshit for a minute longer, never mind 5 minutes. This was greeted with full approval of all coaches.

Frank Endacott asked if all coaches could be given happy pills. He pointed out thateveryone took the game too seriously and winning was not everything. Stuart asked him to ask his Chairman what he thought! Frank stopped smiling.

Karl Harrison in the absence of Brian Noble, asked about dissent and the waving of hands etc. Stuart immediately pointed out , he would have to go back ten rows and he would sin bin him for ten minutes if he said another word!

At the close of the meeting four points were agreed to become policy. The calling of Dominant tackles, therefore allowing teams like Leeds, Wigan and Bradford to hold down longer. The lifting of the legs by a third party in a tackle would result in a tackle being called held, unless it was a Saints player.

Repeat offences of high tackles would result in a band aid for the victim and ten minutes in the sin bin for the offender. Finally dissent would only be allowed when it involves a Leeds or Wigan player!

Although this is very much a tongue in cheek column, the four directives sent out at this meeting, were completely ignored this weekend. Thus such meetings deserve to be treated with such contempt. It was a public relations exercise and in reality a load of bollocks!