Here is a fly on the wall report, following Ian Millward in the early stages of his coaching career at Wigan.

Day one. Ian arrives at the JJB stadium ready for his press conference, where he is greeted by the Son of Satan (Maurice Lyndsay to the uneducated) and Goldfinger (Dave Whelan). On arrival Ian expresses his wish to have a priest visit the JJB, to exorcise the curse and evil sprits that haunt the place. Mo tells him it is not possible, otherwise he would never see a game himself!

As he is introduced to the press, Ian was asked how much of a challenge he thought it would be at Wigan, given he was not inheriting the current champions, like he did with Saints. Ian said he built the team now at saints. This correspondent then pointed out he did not add to the team he inherited when he won the title in 2000, and, he had not won a title since Nickle, Martyn, Joynt, Newlove, Stankevitch and Jonkers had left, as well as the squad still having Wellens, Long, Cunningham, and Sculthorpe playing who were all at the club when he took over. Unfortunately I cannot print Ian's response, but both Son of Satan and Goldfinger said they had no problem with Ian swearing!

After the meeting ended, they decided to go for lunch. Ian asked for the menu, it was as follows :- Meat and potato pie, meat pie, steak and kidney pie, pork pie, chicken and mushroom pie, cheese and onion pie, burger and beans pie or chicken tikka pie. Side orders were mushy peas or chip shop peas. Desserts consisted of an option of apple pie , blackberry pie or banoffi pie. Ian decided he wasn't hungry.

After lunch, Son of satan introduced Ian to the team. Ian was a little perturbed as the skill level was not what he expected, he pointed out to Mo that they were shit! Mo then explained to him they had injuries , so Ian asked how many. Mo waffled on about losing Farrell and Davico, then finally admitted it wasn't that many, well actually four. Ian's head sank, then he said no worries we can buy some. Unfortunately the joy was short lasted, as Mo had to explain the salary cap to him.

After the first game against Salford, Ian was overjoyed, he pointed out what a vast improvement it was. We tried to explain Salford were on a 5 match losing run, but Ian was still over the moon. This all changed on the Friday, when London came to Town. After they lost, Ian explained it was still an improvement and they were getting better. He then stormed into Mo's office and demanded they do something about his JJB curse. Mo suggested he see a shrink. A week later, Hull came into town, and another defeat occurred. Ian again said how much the team had improved against an excellent Hull team. He then again challenged Mo to ring for the exorcist! Mo made him an appointment with a local shrink.

Next up was Leeds, but the squad was at least bolstered by the arrival of Liam Botham. Ian was very upbeat. After the game, Ian was found sobbing in the cricket pavilion, mumbling something about having to work with shit. Mo put his arm around him and told him it was ok, Goldfinger would put it right next year and he just needed to do some coaching this season. Ian agreed and the next day went to W.H. Smiths to buy a coaching manual.

Next up was the cup tie with Saints. Ian said on telly how he had bought the Saints team he was playing, but we all know he didn't. We asked Ian if he was worried about his old team. He said yes, but he had a plan. He said he would lull Saints into a false sense of security, by claiming they would win everything and he had no team to put out. It worked, Saints only scored 75 points! Unfortunately, Ian has been untraceable since, but rumours abound he was last seen tying a knot in a rope on Wigan pier, then bursting in to tears when realising there was nowhere to jump from! There is also a rumour he went to see a gypsy, to see if she could take the curse off JJB stadium for him, unfortunately, she could not find him 13 players who could play on it! There is also a rumour going around he has cancelled his unfair dismissal claim against Saints, because he had no defence!